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Be Thankful You Have a Faithful Husband
Be Thankful You Have a Faithful Husband
by Ruth Houston © 2003
If your husband is faithful, you have much to be thankful for. Faithful husbands are in short supply. While 3 out of 4 wives assume their husbands are faithful, only 1 wife in 4...
Five Effective Ways of Saving Marriage
Is your marriage headed for a really stormy weather? Is it
tearing you apart? Do conversations with your partner go round
in circles? If you answer yes to all these questions, chances
are your marriage is in trouble.
Many marriages today...
How to Sell Your House by Lease Options
Many people buy a house then have to move within a few years, due to divorce, relocation or financial difficulties. Without any equity though, it can be nearly impossible to find buyers and you still have realtor fees to contend with. There is a...
Identity Theft: The Perfect Victim - Your Child
Many of us work hard to protect our identities, but fail to think about protecting the identities of our children. The fact that they are underage gives us the impression that children's identities are not as valuable as our own, when in fact;...
Is your life’s purpose for sale?
Is your life’s purpose for sale?
There is no purpose too big or too small
By Craig Nathanson
Meet Joe. He’s a middle-aged bridge toll-taker in the San Francisco Bay Area. In a recent interview, Joe said he loves the role he has filled for...
Marriage or Divorce — Check Your Social Security Number
Newlyweds and the recently divorced should make sure that names on their tax returns match those registered with the Social Security Administration (SSA). A mismatch between a name on the tax return and a Social Security number (SSN) could...
May I Divorce and Remarry?
Divorce and Remarriage
Ray Stark
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This is a subject that has caused much heartache, spiritual shipwreck and tragic loss of ministry potential. I am not speaking...
Unintended Consequences
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 26, 2003
My sister is celebrating her tenth anniversary this summer, and I'm concerned she is letting her relationship go. Her husband refuses to acknowledge any problems and doesn't believe in...
Why Aren't YOU Using This Marriage Saving Tip?
Do you find that things would just be so much easier if your spouse would do things your way? Most of the time, this just isn't the case.
So you married your complete opposite, your relationship is stressful and the two of you can't even agree on...
You Can Either Have Fun or Make Money? Not When You Use Emotional Intelligence!
Most people are about as happy as they decide to be, and most people have about as many options as they decide to have. How about you?
Do you think that’s true? You can EITHER have fun OR you can make money, but not both?
I’m an EQ Coach....
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"Reasons For Divorce; What Constitutes Viable Reasons For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce?"
According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages ended in divorce and 60% of remarriages end in divorce. But, the Center for Disease Control also found that 96% of Americans express a personal desire for marriage, and almost three-quarters of Americans believe marriage is a life long commitment. I imagine that there are somewhat similar statistics worldwide.
With these kinds of statistics, its easy to see how complex it can be when people think they want a divorce, they have difficulty identifying how a truly viable divorce reason might be defined. Wanting happiness through marriage and wrestling with what may seem an inevitable outcome (a divorce), can be emotionally and mentally challenging. After all, it is human nature to want to feel nurtured and secure, no matter where you live!
So, if you're thinking about getting a divorce, what are truly valid reasons for actually getting a divorce?
Each government has different laws defining the difference between 'fault' and 'no-fault' divorce reasons that have enough merit that allow for the divorce to be granted. While it makes sense for you to keep this in mind when deciding whether or not to get a divorce because there may be financial considerations to think of, you should first focus on defining your own emotional or "personal" divorce reasons, regardless of what the local governing body says.
If you ask 100 people how they define viable reasons for wanting a divorce, you'll most likely get 100 different answers because they'll answer you from their perspective, not yours. Sure, there may be similarities to the way you feel in some of those answers about 'real' divorce reasons, you may even agree with some. But, the real answers to this question can only come from you. You have to figure out what reason or reasons would be viable in your mind in order to actually go through your decision about getting a divorce or staying married.
Some reasons that people give for getting a divorce, or wanting a divorce, are purely selfish and have no substance. An example of a reason for wanting a divorce that has no substance is not liking the fact that your spouse has constant unfounded jealousy. There is a deeper problem that exists here, and in the case of this example, it could be that the spouse who constantly feels jealousy has a confidence problem or some sort
of 'fear of loss'. Whatever the case, the divorce reason in this example clearly isn't viable and should relatively easy to fix.
Often times when people give 'surface' or flimsy reasons for wanting a divorce, they really have much deeper feelings about something and they're just using the shallow divorce reason as an avoidance of some kind. Or, they give these 'foundation-less' reasons for wanting a divorce because they actually aren't aware that there are other deeper rooted reasons that are the cause of the way they feel now.
Common reasons that cause people to think about or want to get a divorce:
*Couple has conflicting personal beliefs
*Couple’s marital satisfaction decreases
*Desertion
*Adultery
*Cruel treatment
*Bigamy
*Imprisonment
*Spousal Indignities
*Institutionalization
*Irretrievable Breakdown of some kind
Of course, you should add your own reasons to the list for wanting a divorce, better yet, make your own list of what may be 'valid' reasons. Solid divorce reasons for wanting or going through a divorce usually come from some sort of occurrence, behavioral pattern, and/or change in the viewpoint of the marriage itself.
In order to really make a smart divorce decision, you should first list the reasons that you have for wanting a divorce, then examine those divorce reasons for true viability. Then come back to it that list in a day or so. Chances are you will be able to scratch a few of those reasons for wanting a divorce off the list because they were identified purely from an emotional viewpoint rather than logic.
If you are thinking about getting a divorce, and haven't clearly identified what reasons you have for feeling the way you do, you'll be doing yourself a 'dis-service' if you act without carefully examining the viability each designated divorce reason. Everyone has their own reasons for wanting a divorce, make sure that you are certain that your reasons are truthfully viable to you before you act on them.
© Karl Augustine, 2004
"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.
Deciding on Divorce
Reasons for Divorce
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