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Comfort Comes From Unexpected Places
Autumn of ’89 began like any other. Summer was quickly coming to a close as winter crept in. Like most years, the family was anxiously anticipating sharing the holidays together.
Although each year became a bit more difficult due to the miles...
How To Be Holy
A strategy of holiness is the first tool in your kit of special resources for acting on the awareness to become a more loving being.
Do you long to be holy? At first glance, the goal of holiness may seem impossible because it conjures up...
How To Identify What The Question "Should I get a divorce?" Means To You.
Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not is an agonizing experience to go through. If you are asking yourself "should I get a divorce?", you've been thinking about your relationship's state for a while or an isolated incident (an...
Human Conditioning, Stress Management and Music
HUMAN CONDITIONING, STRESS MANAGEMENT and MUSIC
The predominant role human conditioning plays in a stressful environment. Perspective, reaction and remedy.How music can help.
By Bill Reddie
Creating music for stress management can be a...
Life Lessons - An Inspirational Story
Ju was physically abused as a child. She lived with a mother who was diagnosed with post depression and a father who was a wife abuser.
Her parent divorced and left six of them with her mother. She left school at 15 and went to work waiting...
Making Love Last
In today's era of high divorce rates, couples who not only stand
the test of time but seem to grow more and more in love are
always being asked, "What's your secret?" Here are three secrets
to help your own romance last past the honeymoon...
Putting romance back into your marriage
Let me start by saying I am not a psycholigist or therapist, I am just a guy, who was
married for 16 years, until that ended about a year and a half ago. I am now in a new and
exciting relationship, which I believe will work out great. I am forty...
Relationship Advice: "I've met Mr. Right. Do You Think He's the One?"
The question is a common one: How do I know if this is the right person. Am I doing the right thing? The truth is we're never quite sure. We gather the data of experience. Then we take a shot at life one way of the other. Right or Wrong? Only...
Signs of Infidelity: My Marriage Made Me Do It
Infidelity has different faces...and different signs and patterns.
Yes, infidelity is complex. You probably know that or perhaps feel the overwhelm and confusion.
Most I work with find tremendous relief, a sense of control, confidence and power...
The Ethical Responsible Puppy Buyer
The responsible, ethical BUYER
We certainly hear and read multitudes of opinions of what makes a responsible papillon or phalene dog breeder (and many times those opinions are biased by the writers' backgrounds in papillons or...
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How to Prevent a Custody Battle After Divorce.
I recently marked the six-year anniversary of my custody battle. I have learned vital lessons that I want to share with all parents.
Divorce yourself emotionally from your former spouse.
Mind your own business. Their life is no longer married to yours.
Our children are not to be fought over like property. Children are not property, and parents do not own them.
The issue is not custody. It is loving the children, sharing parental responsibility for their physical needs, and maintaining open communication between the parents for the sake of the children.
If you file a custody suit out of bitterness, or to get personal revenge, or to avoid sharing parental responsibility with open communication, you commit a crime against your children.
No matter how much you may despise your former spouse, your children are as much a part of their other parent as they are of you.
No matter how much you may dread sharing open, healthy communication with your former spouse, you must do it to provide a role model of healthy adult communication for your children; they will need this vital resource when they become adults.
Psychologically healthy divorced parents show courtesy and respect to each other. Their children then internalize the message that they are respected. Through open dialogue with each other, parents teach their children to speak their truth rather than sacrifice it to please one parent or blame the other. Such parents give their children an invaluable gift.
When parents stop blaming and start to look within, they take personal responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and actions. The parents heal their issues, and their children are spared great pain.
I ask you, if you are a parent, to look to the source of your pain. It is not with your former spouse. It is within you. Look closely at the areas you vehemently guard. If you don't want open communication, do it anyway. Your children need to learn how to communicate.
If you don't want to pay child support, pay it anyway. Your children are entitled to be raised with the financial resources of both parents. They deserve the best life they can possibly have.
Do everything you do not want to do. Do it for your
children. If you do, your children will be by your side in your old age. If you do not, you will find yourself alone when you are old.
Many laws have changed in the last thirty-five years: child support enforcement laws and custody regulations. But the courts cannot enforce healthy, open communication between the parents. And the courts cannot impose on us the one thing that will make all the difference for each of us. It comes from the inside. It is love.
Love and heal your self. Love and honor your children. Then and only then will you and your children know peace.
If your former spouse is not fulfilling their court ordered obligations, let it go. Stop trying to enforce what they are not willing to adhere to. You have no control over them.
Focus on being the best parent to your child when you are with them.
Never speak negatively about the other parent, show the other parent disrespect in front of the children, or cause the children to feel they should take sides.
Allow the children their birthright to express love to both parents.
Be grateful for whatever the other parent contributes to the lives of your children, and stop seeking to get more.
You will find that when your energy is spent on genuinely accepting, and sharing parental responsibility with your former spouse, for the sake of your children, rather than continuing a war, your children will thrive emotionally. They will bear no psychological scars. They will learn the gifts of open dialogue, rather than receive pain as they witness a silent war between the two parents they are a part of.
As divorced parents, do everything you can to create a pleasant atmosphere with your former spouse for your children. This may be an unwilling sacrifice for you, but it is a gift for your children.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
In her nationally praised seminars and workshops, Author, public speaker and columnist Barbara Rose shares the secrets of turning tragedy into triumph. Her books; Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life; and If God Was Like Man (Publication Date April, 2003) share profound, inspiring insight. Please visit her website http://www,borntoinspire.com
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