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A Refreshing Approach to a Family New Year
With a new year, we say goodbye to the past and hello to the future. What can we do in the present moment to bring closure to last year and hope for what lies ahead? For families, it can be a time to celebrate and learn from the previous year. ...
Forgotten Again - The Saga Continues
If you read my last article(s), " Forgotten Again - Part 1 and Forgotten Again - Part 2 ", you know that all the lovely organizations who help people after national disasters seem to forget, leave out, or ignore when the south west coast of...
How to Have a Friendly Divorce
So the marriage doesn't work out. But what about the kids?
Okay -- so despite our best intentions, the marriage doesn't always work out. People change, fall out of love, decide to live differently either alone or with a new partner. Is there...
How To Meet 250 Million Mates
Dating I am now involved in a permanent relationship with somebody I love very much. She is gorgeous and probably the smartest female I have ever met. But, before I met my mate I of course dated like everybody else; and I estimate that I...
Marriage - Divorce - Separation - How to handle the split loyalties after separation.
We have all most probably encountered it at some stage in our lives - who do we stay friends with after a couple divorces or separates? The text book answer is to stay friends with both parties of course but that’s a mighty tall order to fulfil as...
Marriage Saving Advice: Have A Soul Connection With Your Spouse Even If All Seems Lost
Many of us realize that marriage is not the easiest relationship in the world, but why is it so hard? Unless we adopt children, the only relatives that we get to choose are our spouses. Seems like it should work out, right? We can not change our...
Prenuptial Agreements
"Til death do us part" is still the language used in most weddings. Couples enter marriage with the hope of making a lifetime commitment. If this goal is not reached or if a spouse dies, the desire to be a couple is so ingrained that most will...
Reasons You Aren't Starting the Decision Making Process About Whether To Get a Divorce Or Stay Married
Along with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when that decision involves an actual process and might potentially involve emotional pain or anguish. Deciding whether or not to get a divorce or stay married can be a frightening time...
Take Off the Rose-Colored Glasses When Dating
Robin was giving me an anatomy of her divorce. “There were signs,” she said. “Plenty of them. I just ignored them.”
“The counselor told me to ignore how he treated other people,” said Manuela, “and concentrate on how he treated me. But one day I...
When Something's Not Right About Your Career, Part VI/VI: Second Chance
We’ll continue looking at how discovering your natural talents can make a positive difference in your life at any age, at any stage of the game. EXAMPLE 1
Sam, 60, just retired from a dismal career selling insurance. He hated it, and...
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"Divorce Reasons; What Constitutes A Viable Reason For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce?"
According to the Center for Disease
Control's National Vital Statistics
Report of 2002, 50% of first marriages
ended in divorce and 60% of
remarriages end in divorce. But, the
Center for Disease Control also found
that 96% of Americans express a
personal desire for marriage, and
almost three-quarters of Americans
believe marriage is a life long
commitment.
I imagine that there are somewhat
similar statistics worldwide.
With these kinds of statistics, its
easy to see how complex it can be when
people think they want a divorce, they
have difficulty identifying how a
truly viable divorce reason might be
defined. Wanting happiness through
marriage and wrestling with what may
seem an inevitable outcome (divorce),
can be emotionally and mentally
challenging.
After all, it is human nature to want
to feel nurtured and secure, no matter
where you live!
So, if you're thinking about getting a
divorce, what are truly viable reasons
for actually getting a divorce?
Each government has different laws
defining the difference
between 'fault' and 'no-fault' divorce
reasons that have enough merit that
allow for the divorce to be granted.
While it makes sense for you to keep
this in mind when deciding whether or
not to get a divorce because there may
be financial considerations to think
of, you should first focus on defining
your own emotional or "personal"
divorce reasons, regardless of what
the local governing body says.
If you ask 100 people how they define
viable reasons for wanting a divorce,
you'll most likely get 100 different
answers because they'll answer you
from their perspective, not yours.
Sure, there may be similarities to the
way you feel in some of those answers
about 'real' divorce reasons, you may
even agree with some. But, the real
answers to this question can only come
from you. You have to figure out what
reason or reasons would be viable in
your mind in order to actually go
through your decision about getting a
divorce or staying married.
Some reasons that people give for
getting a divorce, or wanting a
divorce, are purely selfish and have
no substance. An example of a reason
for wanting a divorce that has no
substance is not liking the fact that
your spouse has constant unfounded
jealousy. There is a deeper problem
that exists here, and in the case of
this example, it could be that the
spouse who constantly feels jealousy
has a confidence problem or some
sort
of 'fear of loss'. Whatever the case,
the divorce reason in this example
clearly isn't viable and should
relatively easy to fix.
Often times when people give 'surface'
or flimsy reasons for wanting a
divorce, they really have much deeper
feelings about something and they're
just using the shallow divorce reason
as an avoidance of some kind. Or, they
give these 'foundation-less' reasons
for wanting a divorce because they
actually aren't aware that there are
other deeper rooted reasons that are
the cause of the way they feel now.
Common reasons that cause people to
think about or want to get a divorce:
*Couple has conflicting personal
beliefs
*Couple’s marital satisfaction
decreases
*Desertion
*Adultery
*Cruel treatment
*Bigamy
*Imprisonment
*Spousal Indignities
*Institutionalization
*Irretrievable Breakdown of some kind
Of course, you should add your own reasons
to the list for wanting a divorce, better yet,
make your own list. Solid divorce reasons
for wanting or going through a divorce
usually come from some sort of
occurrence, behavioral pattern, and/or
change in the viewpoint of the
marriage itself.
In order to really make a smart
decision, you should first list the
reasons that you have for wanting a
divorce, then examine those divorce
reasons for true viability. Then come
back to it that list in a day or so.
Chances are you will be able to
scratch a few of those reasons for
wanting a divorce off the list because
they were identified purely from an
emotional viewpoint rather than logic.
If you are thinking about getting a
divorce, and haven't clearly
identified what reasons you have for
feeling the way you do, you'll be
doing yourself a 'dis-service' if you
act without carefully examining the
viability each designated divorce
reason. Everyone has their own reasons
for wanting a divorce, make sure that
you are certain that your reasons are
truthfully viable to you before you
act on them.
Karl Augustine
Deciding on Divorce
Divorce reasons
About the Author
Author of "A Practical Guide To
Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A
Divorce", the eBook recommended by
counselors to thier clients.
Proven "Actions Items" to help you decide!
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com
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