|
|
|
A Guy's Basic Holiday Gift Guide...for the New Relationship
There aren't any clearly defined rules when it comes to
exchanging gifts, let alone giving during the holiday season to
a new lover. From Christmas, to Hanakkuh, Kwanzaa and others,
what does one buy for the holiday season to show her you care?...
Abdominal Exercise And Weight Loss
Abdominal Exercise
When most people start on a weight-loss regime the first thing they wish to attack is their waistline. They start off with visions of turning a beer gut into an abdominal six-pack. After a few weeks of strenuous exercise...
Alcoholic Drinks And Its Effect on Your Weight Loss Program
"I'll just have a little..."
If you are not careful, this little phrase can be an absolute
killer for your weight loss plans during this holiday season.
And I'm not just talking about the food.
The hidden danger is in all the...
Chocolate Is Good for Us? Yes! (Third in a series)
This is my third in a series of articles on the happy health benefits of some of our favorite indulgences. Please read my related articles on coffee and tea, wine and beer.
When the Spanish explorer Hernan Cortes came home from Mexico in the...
Dieting Effects – Body pH
If you remember back to the days of high school and science class, you’ll recall some information on pH. pH is the measure of activity of and potency of hydrogen ions in a substance. The scale used to measure pH is broken down into two categories:...
Five secrets of high blood pressure treatment
When to start the treatment for high blood pressure and how big is its real efficacy. What is the main secret of the centenarians we can use. What are the benefits of non-pharmaceutical treatment of the arterial hypertension.
Thirty...
Launch Yourself Into Living
Memorial Day weekend, 2004, found my wife and I along with friends, relaxing in a nice camp setting in Hershey, Pennsylvania. We had a great time at the Hershey Factory Tour Experience, which included, among a dozen other attractions, an excellent...
Pizza, French Fries, Beer and Other Diet Foods...
Now this is the real American Dream! I’m here to let you know that it is totally possible to lose all the fat you want while eating nothing but junk food. The only hitch is that all the fat you want to lose is going to have to be zero! ...
Regional Cuisine - New England Clam Chowder
Sea air, crisp apples, the brisk, spice of fallen leaves - there are few things that say autumn in New England like the scents that seem to buffet the senses from everywhere. Among those marvelous treats for the senses are popular dishes from...
The use of chamomile plants as medicinal alternative
The chamomile plant can grow up to twenty inches tall. It is a member of the Daisy family. The chamomile flower has a strong aroma scent. Roman chamomile is usually propagated by root division, while German chamomile seeds are sown directly in...
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Anger And The American Family: 3 Steps To Diffuse Family Anger By Changing Your Inner Conversations
Case #1: Jeanette and Tom had been married 15 years. Wanting to surprise him for his birthday, Jeanette, with her own money, bought Tom a big-screen LCD television.
Tom’s reaction? He instantly blew up and berated Jeanette for spending so much money—buying more television than they needed, a bigger model than they had previously looked at together.
Jeanette was dumbfounded at Tom’s reaction; she truly thought this would be a gift that would greatly please him.
Case #2: Jim was having a friendly beer with his brother-in-law Jack when the discussion turned to Jack’s success in life. Wanting to compliment him, Jim commented on how far he had come, how proud of himself he must be and how much he is an inspiration to others, given his background with alcoholic and dysfunctional parents.
Rather than seeing this as a compliment, however, Jack became offended and angry. He berated Jim for “putting him down," as he interpreted Jim’s comment.
Views cause anger
As these examples clearly show, people are not disturbed by things or events, but by their view of them, as Epictetusan—a Greek philosopher—observed early in the 2nd century.
When an upsetting family event occurs, you have a choice of how you are going to explain it to yourself—what you are going to tell yourself about it. This will influence how angry, stressed, or upset, you become over the event.
Learning to change what you tell yourself —your self-talk— can break the cycle of negativity that can often poison our minds when we get angry. We all have 'scripts' in our minds that tell us messages and stories about family members and how they behave.
Tom, who exploded when his loving wife bought him a new television, was telling himself things like: she has such poor judgment-buying a bigger TV than we need; there she goes again, spending money excessively; why can’t she ever do what I want her to do? Why did I marry such a woman?
Of course, none of these things made any sense to Tom once he cooled down and became his rational self again. But, at the moment of anger explosion, Tom’s self-statements seem 100% true to him.
Jack who became offended at being congratulated for overcoming his past, was actually having the following conversation
in his head: he is putting me down because I had alcoholic parents; he is saying I am not capable of being successful on my own instead of 'overcoming' something in my past; he is mocking me because of how I grew up.
No wonder he became so upset at Jim’s innocent attempt at a compliment. Like many of us, Jack was responding to his perspective of what was being communicated—not Jim’s.
Changing your self-talk
The next time anger threatens to spoil a family event, try these simple steps:
Step 1: Retreat and think things over. Never respond immediately to a family anger or stress trigger. Give your body and your mind a chance to calm down so you can think rationally. Research shows this may take at least 20 minutes.
Step 2: Examine the evidence. The most convincing way of disputing negative self-talk toward a family member is to show yourself it is factually incorrect. Do not lie to yourself, but—like a detective —simply and honestly look at all the evidence at hand.
For instance, when calm Tom remembered that his wife was excellent with money and rarely overspent. Jack remembered that Jim never disparaged him and, in fact, had always supported him throughout the years of their friendship.
Step 3: Find a more positive and useful way of interpreting the behavior of family members. Tom was finally able to see his wife’s buying behavior as a sign of love and caring for him, rather than trying to hurt him or cause stress.
Jack was eventually capable of seeing that Jim was truly trying to compliment him and that he truly saw Jack as someone to be admired because of how far he had come in life.
2005 © Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved.
About the Author: Dr. Tony Fiore is The Anger Coach. New anger resources are now available Anger Management for the 21st Century: The 8 tools of Anger Control print and ebook,bonuses http://www.stopyouranger.com. Chëck our Anger in the News blog and comment at: http://www.angernews.com.
Source: www.isnare.com
|
|
|
|
|
|