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7 Tips for Decorating Your Child's Room
7 Tips for Decorating Your Child's Room
By Liz Hekimian-Williams
If you're not sure where to start or how best to tackle updating your child's bedroom, you're not alone. In a lot of families, the baby nursery takes a lot of planning and...
All I Want for Christmas is My Son Back
The holidays are upon us … and how they churn up our emotions. The expectations … the memories … the empty chairs … Somewhere there’s the Norman Rockwell family celebrating , but it was never at my house. Was it at yours? A client and I have in...
Baby names and how to pick one
Researchers claim that there are over one million baby names in everyday use worldwide. How are you going to pick from among all of the baby names in existence? Is the meaning of baby names important to you? Here are a few common baby names...
Baby Shower Invitation: Announcing the arrival of the little cherub!
Customized baby shower invitation cards with personal touches are what you need for making your baby shower party a memorable one. A baby shower invitation card sets the mood for your baby shower party. Whether you are choosing formal or funny baby...
Cool Sunglasses - Children Want To Wear Them Too!
Children don't worry about the designer name when it comes to sunglasses. They just want to have cool sunglasses so that they look cool when they are wearing their shades. Parents often don't realize the importance of choosing the right sunglasses...
Grapes, Nuts, and Your Dogs Health -- Foods that Fido should Avoid
Your dogs health is important to you. You show her how important by keeping her well fed and groomed, making sure she gets plenty of exercise and providing a collection of fun, safe toys for her entertainment. You don't skimp on the quality of...
Interesting Baby Facts... Strange But True!
* A baby is born every seven seconds. * Babies are born with very poor vision but can recognize their mothers almost right away. * Babies are always born with blue eyes, within a few moments of delivery their eye color can...
Is Cord Blood Banking Right For You?
Saving your baby's umbilical cord blood allows it to be cryogenically stored, and then available if your child later becomes sick and needs a bone marrow transplant. Umbilical cord blood was discarded until the 1970's, when researchers discovered...
What's In A Name: Naming Your Baby
Does your baby really care what you call her? All she needs is milk, sleep and some comfort; and she will be fine.
Is a name important? Yes, in a way it is. Let us say you randomly choose a name for baby. Once your little one grows up, she...
Where to Purchase the Perfect Wedding cake in Las Vegas
You can expect to find the perfect wedding cake in Las Vegas. Las Vegas is the wedding capital of the world, so you can expect to find many quality caterers and bakers in this exciting location who can help you plan a beautiful wedding party. When...
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Dem Graduation Invitation Blues...
There’s a little ritual that we all go through this time of year. It begins with the arrival of a fancy envelope in the mail, one that typically has gold bordering or fancy engraving on it. We all look at said envelope, silently groan to ourselves, and then take it on into the house, hoping as we walk inside that a big gust of wind will blow up and take the envelope out of our hands and send it over to China. That never happens, of course, so we reluctantly take the envelope inside, sit down, open it, and then read something like the following:
“The Fogerty County High School Class of 2005 Cordially Invites You To Our Graduation Exercises on Saturday, June 36, 2005, at 4 pm at Acid Reflux Stadium.”
Once read, a little business sized card drops into your hand that has a name on it like the following:
Roscoe Boffmeister
You sit there for a moment, scratch your head, and wonder just who in the devil Roscoe Boffmeister is? So you politely ask your spouse that question, and she replies,
“Remember Mary and Biff Boffmeister, the couple that lived next to us when we lived in our first house over on Sniply Drive? Back in the late eighties? Remember their cute little baby, Roscoe?”
Forgetting myself for a second, I answer honestly, “Of course, I remember little Roscoe. He cried like a tail mashed cat, drooled constantly, and was in the bathroom so much that I thought he maintained a citizenship there. To tell you the truth, I barely remember even that, didn’t they move away only a couple of months after we moved in because Biff got fired for indecent exposure at work?”
“Well, of course they did, but you do remember both Biff and Mary, and I really loved Mary. She was such a sweet person, she’d help you anyway she could.”
Again, I take the honest path, “From what I remember, Mary was okay, but all Biff ever talked about was wife swapping and he thought that burping was an art form. Sides, how can you love someone that you only knew for two months?”
A serious stare lets me know that this really was not a good question. The answer I received confirmed it, “It’s quality, Edward, not quantity. There are relatives of yours I’ve known for
years that I don’t particularly like, but Mary was special.”
Seeing as how I’m bombing out like Perry Como at a punk rock concert, I decide to get down to brass tacks, “So, what we have here is basically some blatant pandering for a graduation gift. These people, who we knew for all of two months, have managed to remember us just long enough to hit us up for a gift.”
The acid toned response I received said it all, “We get a Christmas letter from them each year telling us how well they’re doing, and they even include a picture so that we can see how fast little Roscoe is growing.”
I sagely reply, “Well, little Roscoe means nothing to me, so let’s get out as light as we can on the gift - maybe a gift box of assorted socks?”
With ice dripping off each and every word, she frozenly replies, “Edward, my God, that’s so crass, we will certainly do better than that for little Roscoe. I was thinking maybe we’d give him a subscription to the Wall Street Journal - he‘s going to take business in college, you know.”
“Hell, I don’t even get the Wall Street Journal! And this little two month old drooler will?”
At this point, I size up her facial expression and figure that shutting up and quietly absorbing my impending financial wound was best. So, I slunk off into the den, pulled out my Stevie Ray Vaughan biography, plopped down into a chair, and started reading. And one thing I discovered about Stevie Ray while reading about his life made me smile - we all know he was a great guitar player, we all know he was a great performer, but one of the best things about Stevie Ray was that he never graduated from high school, which means that he didn’t force a bunch of his distant friends and relatives to buy him cuff links, dorm refrigerators, or watches far nicer than this 1986 Timex that I currently have on my wrist!
About the Author
Ed’s latest book, “Rough As A Cob,“ can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.
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