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Bob Hope Stories
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Towering a couple hundred feet above the Danube River, the Castle District in Budapest is a special place. Surrounded by gothic churches with stain glass, a visit to the Castle District is like stepping back into the renaissance. Castle District...
Eastern Russia – Vladivostok, Khabarovsk And Magadan
With an incredibly large land mass, Russia is really many countries in one. In this article, we take a look at travel destinations in the Far East. Vladivostok A naval port city on the Pacific Ocean, Vladivostok has a passing resemblance to a...
Expert Travel And Tour Tips For The Napa Valley - Part 1
This is the 1st installment of a 5 part series.
Let me apologize in advance for the length of this article.
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Getting Your Digital Photos Ready For Sharing
One of the main reasons people buy digital cameras is so they can share their photos with others. Even if you are just going to print your photos for yourself, you will want them to look their best. Here are some tips on getting your images ready...
How To Travel The World For Free
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Hungary Travel – Lake Balaton, Visegrad And Szentendre
When visiting Hungary, it is easy to fall in love with Budapest and never venture beyond the city. If this happens, you’ll rue the day you missed a chance to visit Lake Balaton, Visegrad and Szentendre. Lake Balaton Lake Balaton is located in...
Out Of Africa
Exploring the wildlife in Africa could be the greatest and the most exiting experiences of your lifetime. People, who get used to living in a big city will be really astonished be the grandeur of the African nature, its flora and fauna. If your...
The Water Birds of East Africa
Birding is one of the fastest growing hobbies in the world. In America, bird watchers rose from 21 m in 1982, to an astonishing 68 million in 2000. In the US, birding is now the second most popular outdoor recreation after gardening. Technology...
Were WOOFERS Not Dogs
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A TIME-TRAVEL POSTCARD...
(c) Theolonius McTavish 2004. All rights reserved.
Seeking a spot of serenity somewhere in the universe, I recently booked a deep-discount dodgy berth on the ‘White Elephant Express Space Shuttle’, to a little known place in a galaxy far, far away.
“IT” (otherwise known as HD 36405.b) is not your average “oddball” exo-solar planet made of rock that wobbles on its end and zips around a nearby star in less than 2.46 days.
Most linear thinkers have a great deal of difficulty even comprehending why on earth anyone in their “right mind” would be interested in visiting a planet called “IT”. Not being a linear thinker with an investment in the “right” answer, I didn’t give a hoot. After all, what does one (who walks on water and listens to miffed mortals all day long) do for a frigging night off, now I ask you?
If truth be told, (after reading random excerpts from “The Itty Bitty Bunkum Book About Life, the Universe and Practically Everything Under the Sun Not To Mention Stuff Going On In Remote Galaxies), I was simply delirious. According to its noted author, Dr. Jarn Leffer, “IT is a ’must-see’ for those with little time on their hands and a passionate interest in Innocuous Things.”
As planets go, “IT” is a pretty ho-hum celestial pit-stop with perhaps one exception… the welcome notice that reads, “Cosmic Cowboys - Welcome to the furthest unexplored outreaches of the Galaxy … Home to the Flop Fairy and Oodles of Gadflies!”
“IT” is populated by colonies of giggling, green grasshoppers . What else would you expect to inhabit a far-flung, fantasy-challenged hellhole like this? But, what made “IT” strictly speaking a strange place was the fact that the inhabitants munch on green, biodegradable garbage bags just for fun.
Lacking masticating capabilities, the gadflies process their food by vigorously jumping up and down on it. No wonder they have no need for fast-food franchises, strip malls or landfills!
Anyway, I picked up this picturesque postcard of the blessed ballyhooing buglugs. They look perfectly happy but don’t be deceived. In reality, they’re just a gang of glad-handing grasshoppers. They don’t play golf, eat burgers, or drink beer -- and none can frost a rock! Come to think of it, apart from the company of bugs and the elusive flop fairy, this pathetic planet has precious little going for IT!!
To put "IT" bluntly, life on “IT” is just shy of a tittynope*. The jolly green grasshoppers and the carefully manicured green fairways with sand traps as far as the eye can see certainly make for an utterly harmless world. Regrettably, without a pair of golf clubs, a dimpled white ball, and the notion that 19th hole even exists on this planet -- ”IT” is about as fun as bag of toads!
Life Lesson 42: Remember to talk to your travel agent before ever embarking on a flight of fancy to a planet called “IT” in a galaxy named “Have-a-Nice-Day”!!
__________
*"Tittynope" for you whiffling word-peckers means "a small quantity of anything left over".
If you want to know what those green, glad-handing grasshoppers from "IT" look like -- ask any four-year old, or failing that request some help from a Flying Saucer Club member.
About the Author
Theolonius McTavish is a somewhat spaced-out time-traveller (of minor relevance and importance in the great scheme of things). When not probing odd things happening somewhere in the depths of the universe, he enjoys chinwagging with all manner of merry folk at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com
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