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Accessing Your Spiritual Guidance
For the last 35 years, I have been working with individuals, couples and families, as well as business relationships. I have 8 published books on relationships and healing, some of them best-sellers. In the first half of my career, I worked as a...
Alcohol Drug Abuse Treatment Reaching Out For Help
There was a time when alcohol and drug abuse were thought to be problems of down and outs, no-hopers who had nothing in their lives, and people who would never amount to anything. Thankfully, an increasing awareness about these issues and the...
How To Help An Alcoholic
How to help an alcoholic… An alcoholic can be helped to find freedom from alcohol. And, anyone can help who has some counseling or interviewing ability. There are Two Main Signs of Alcoholism Alcoholics suffer from an illness that stops them...
"It's a Great Day to Die!"
Wow, what a crazy thing to say during the most sacred and holy time of the year! Yes, it is-especially since this famous cry of freedom was uttered by Crazy Horse, the Sioux chief who defeated Custer at the Battle of Little Bighorn. Why talk about...
Overcoming Limiting Beliefs…or “How to Train an Elephant”
In India, the method for training an elephant is the following. When the elephant is very young, its leg is tied to a small post with a thin piece of rope. At that age the elephant hasn’t the power to break the rope or dislodge the post. It tries...
Overcoming Negative Beliefs
In India, the method for training an elephant is the following: When the elephant is very young, its leg is tied to a small post with a thin piece of rope. At that age the elephant hasn't the power to break the rope or dislodge the post. It tries...
Power and Politics
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included. Notification of publication would be appreciated. Title: Power and Politics Author:...
Stop Patching Yourself Together
Have there been times in your life when you have resorted to quick fixes like chemical patches or pills to help you stop overeating, smoking, or other similar addictions that are ruining your health?
If you are like me, you have discovered that...
Subtle Addictions
Many people are aware of the fact that addictions are used to avoid pain, and most of us are aware of the common addictions: food, alcohol, drugs, gambling, TV, spending, work, sex, rage and so on. Most people, however, are not aware of the more...
Zyprexa Side Effects are Deadly: Effects Include NMS
Zyprexa is a prescription drug that treats schizophrenia, acute mania and bipolar disorder. It is a psychotropic drug that treats the psychotic disorders of the mind but unlike other drugs for psychotic disorders, Zyprexa is an atypical...
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Grieving Personal Wounds
While recently at a men’s conference on sexual addiction, the group I was facilitating had been processing the relationship between personal wounds and sexually acting-out. While it is often exciting to watch men reconnect with their hearts and risk vulnerability by sharing painful experiences, I encountered quite a bit of resistance from the group. Men often ask me what the purpose of "rehashing" the past, "blaming" one's parents, or they will give me a monologue on "choices" and "personal responsibility." Their questions are fair and deserve answers, but to miss the issues behind them is to miss the heart of the man that asks.
Some wounds leave us so deeply injured that even looking at them can be terrifying. We are not only afraid of hurting again, but of whatever unknown we may dread finding. Sadly, we trade God's healing touch for the certainty of the mundanely dulled and bruised heart. To us, this can feel better than the dread of having our hearts split open, spilling into our own consciousness or for others to see. But whether we acknowledge it or not, we still bleed from within. This is why our addictions have kept us in bondage for so many years. Willingly and sometimes happily, through acting-out, we turned our backs on our own hearts as they bleed from within.
Acknowledging a wounded heart is not "rehashing," "blaming" or skirting "responsibility" for our own actions/transgressions. When we acknowledge our wounded-ness we ARE taking responsibility for our hearts, and that honors God. Acknowledgement moves us closer to truly surrendering these wounds to God so He may begin to heal them. God patiently respects our unwillingness to acknowledge wounds, for a while. Fortunately he also loves us enough, that in our unwillingness, he allows crisis to bring us face-to-face with our wounds and our transgressions.
For many men struggling with sexual addiction, a crisis of truth may take the form of
having one's transgressions exposed. While this is usually humiliating, I frequently remind couple's of God's graciousness and his heart for them. A loving Father does not allow his son/daughter to continue in sin indefinitely without confrontation. Being brought to a crisis of truth is an opportunity and chance for redemption. For some, it may not be possible to reconcile a broken marriage, but for many others it is still possible. Regardless of what is lost, a chance is given to reconcile with God and with self. Reconciliation with self can never happen without an honest look at one's wounds.
Healing wounds can start with resistance. Like any other feeling, resistance can tell you something about yourself. If you feel defensive or resistant about an issue, you may actually be afraid to address it. Your resistance may be telling you to dig deeper and deal with some specifics of an issue. It is not "rehashing," but addressing the issue or wound. You may have a pattern of acting-out sexually to deal with the wound. If you are taking responsibility for your wound by addressing it honestly, you cannot be "blaming." God will honor your efforts to take responsibility and will graciously see you through the process of healing your wounds, if you let him (Rom 8:28).
Copyright 2004 Bob Parkins, LMFT - all rights reserved
About the Author: Bob Parkins, LMFT is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Fair Oaks, CA. Bob works with individuals, couples, groups, and families to help them heal from emotional wounds and the symptoms they cause. Bob Parkins, LMFT facilitates a weekly men's group for sexual addiction.
Visit Bob's at http://www.bobparkinslmft.com/
Source: www.isnare.com
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