For the last 35 years, I have been working with individuals, couples and families, as well as business relationships. I have 8 published books on relationships and healing, some of them best-sellers. In the first half of my career, I worked as a traditional psychotherapist, and was not happy with the results. In the last 18 years I have worked with a process called Inner Bonding, which is a powerful six step psychological and spiritual healing process. I discovered that there is no real healing without a personal connection with a source of spiritual guidance.

Everyone in recovery - whether from alcohol, drugs, food, spending, gambling, sex, TV, codependency, or any other addiction - knows that they cannot heal without a connection with their Higher Power, yet for many, this connection is illusive. It is a common experience for me to work with people who have been in Twelve Steps for years yet still don't have a direct, personal experience of their Higher Power. All of us want a direct line to our spiritual Guidance. We need this help in maintaining abstinence and taking responsibility for ourselves. We want to know what is in our highest good, what is the right decision in different situations, how to set appropriate boundaries, and how to manifest what we want.

It is the birthright of each of us to have a direct line to God, whatever God is for you. Yet few of us have learned how to do this at will on a daily basis. Surprisingly however, it is not hard to do.

The spiritual realm exists at a higher frequency than we do here on the physical plane of Planet Earth. In order to access the spiritual realm, we need to know how to raise our "frequency".

One way to understand "frequency" is to imagine a room filled with people who are sharing love and joy with each other. This room has a feeling of lightness--a high frequency--whereas a room filled with angry, tense people has a feeling of heaviness--a low frequency.

So, how do we raise our frequency? There are numerous things you can do to help yourself raise your frequency, but none of them will work unless you have the intent to learn with Spirit about loving yourself and others.

Our intent is the most powerful tool we have for raising our frequency. There are only two possible intents in any given moment: to learn with God/Spirit about loving yourself and others, or to protect against your pain and avoid responsibility for your feelings. When our intent is to protect and avoid we seek to control - through our various addictions - our feelings, others' feelings and behavior, and the outcome of things. When our intent is to learn, we seek to take responsibility for our own feelings and behavior by discovering what we may be thinking or doing that is unloving to ourselves and others, and what would be loving.

You can try many methods of raising your frequency, from prayer to meditation to chanting, but if your intent is to protect instead of learn, none of these will do any good at all. The reason is that when the intent is to protect against pain, we close our heart so as not to feel whatever we are feeling. God cannot come through a closed heart.

We are each given free will when we come to this planet. This means that we get to choose our intent - to be open or closed, loving or unloving, protected against pain or taking responsibility for our feelings. While the love that is God is all-powerful, it cannot come into a closed heart. Just as the air you breathe cannot

When you have a true, pure intent to learn, your frequency automatically raises. None of the actions I suggest below will raise your frequency without this intent. However, once you have this intent, the following actions can help to further raise your frequency.

• Move into your imagination. Your imagination is a gift from God. When you move into your imagination, you raise your frequency and tap into the source of your creativity and inspiration. Our willingness to move into and trust our imagination is essential to being able to connect with our personal spiritual Guidance When you first begin to utilize your imagination to increase your frequency and connect with God, you might feel as if you are just using your imagination to make things up. However, as you take the risk of trusting what you think you are "making up," you will discover that it really is coming through you from God rather than from you.

• Keep your body clear. Your body is an energy system. If your body's energy is clogged with drugs, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, sugar, heavy foods, lots of food or foods contaminated with pesticides, preservatives, artificial sweeteners or any of the thousands of chemicals that are added to foods, your frequency is lowered.

• Pray. Sincere prayers of gratitude and asking God for help in healing all blocks to loving can raise your frequency.

• Chant. Repetitive prayers, chants and mantras can open you to higher frequencies, as can singing in general.

• Dance. Rapid repetitive movement, such as Native American drumming dances, may open you to higher frequencies.

• Spend time in nature. The frequency of a city is far lower than the frequency of nature. Being among trees and flowers, near a river, creek or lake, at the ocean, in the desert, or on a mountain can all raise your frequency.

• Listen to classical or spiritual music.

• Do creative, artistic activities. Moving into your creative imagination raises the frequency.

• Use incense or do "smudging." Incense has been used for centuries to raise the frequency and invite spiritual connection. "Smudging" is using the smoke from various dried plants such as sage, pine, cedar and lavender to clear the energies in a room and raise the frequency. Smudging has been used for thousands of years by indigenous peoples throughout the world.

• Lighting candles. Candlelight, too, has been used for thousands of years to clear the air and raise the frequency.

If you get into the habit of asking yourself throughout the day, "What is my intent? Am I trying to control something, or is my deepest desire in the moment to learn about loving myself and others?", you will begin to understand intent. This will eventually lead you into hearing, feeling, and seeing your personal spiritual Guidance.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.